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Author Topic: Ponderings 10  (Read 3247 times)

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Magispook

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Ponderings 10
« on: February 09, 2006, 08:25:42 PM »

Looked at my hands today.  Discovered they are showing age now.  When I try to guess a person's age, I look at that person's hands, not the face, body, or clothing.  Cosmetics and hair treatments can be used to alter a person's appearance and apparent age, but folks rarely go through the trouble of trying to make their hands look younger, hence a pretty accurate age guess despite the cosmetic trappings of youth.  Most folks who read these musings know that one thought leads to another seemingly completely different line of thinking when I write.  This time those hands caused me to think about what was it that I wanted to be when I grew up.  Most people end up trying to do some things they wanted to do but found the world rarely cooperates.  I wanted to walk on Mars (thought that one would happen for sure), be in the medical profession, be a TV repairman, travel to foreign lands, be in law enforcement, be a soldier, and make history.  Well, reality and lack of funds and the education they buy, ability, and life in general had other plans.  You can't live life according to plan.  Good 'ol Murphy has to do his thing.  Thinking back though, I have been a TV repairman, a biomedical equipment repairman, been in law enforcement, been a career military man, lived and worked in foreign lands, and had a hand in making history.  I only missed out on being an astronaut and walking on Mars.  Most folks I know never got to live their dreams so I have had some success after all despite humble beginnings and a still humble present.  Looking at my hands, I guess they have the right to show some aging.  What about ya'll?  What did you want to be when you grew up?
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Nurseforlife

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2006, 09:52:43 AM »

What did I want to be when I grew up?  I guess I have had it lucky too, realizing most of my dreams. When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse or a doctor, I became a nurse, and I wanted to be a wife and mother, I have had the blessings to to both of those also. I never went on to medical school, and that is okay. I have enjoyed my chosen profession and had the satisfaction that in some small way I made my patients life a little better with the things that nurses do everyday.
Being a wife and mother have both been equally rewarding as my nursing profession. It may sound a bit antiquated but, I love being here at home with my family, growing our own food and preparing a warm and hearty meal for my husband and daughter. I enjoy the tasks that others may turn up their nose at, sewing, mending, laundry, tending to the animals and just being a stay at home mom. I guess I was blessed in life to be able to have a career and be a stay at home mom, and even though I too am getting older; aren't we all I still think the best is yet to come.  :)
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Creekwoman

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2006, 09:11:43 PM »

The first thing I remember wanting to be was a Mouseketeer.  Yep, I prayed nightly to be one of the Mouseketeers.  Oh to be another Annette, Bobby, Cubby or Karen.  My how I smile now when thinking about that idea!  I was the shyest little girl in the land.  I had taken a few tap lessons but was worthless; still have no skill in that area.  I never took a singing lesson in my life, although to this day I love singing anywhere and everywhere.

In high school I decided to become a Navy nurse and travel the world.  Hmmm, a problem arose there, as I can’t clean up vomit, how could I do all the other things nurses must do.  Back then, a woman couldn’t go overseas until her 2nd tour of duty so I gave up on any kind of military service.

At 18 I met my future husband and married at 19…..amazing now when I think back.  I realized being married and raising children was my main goal in life.  We weren’t blessed with biological children but through the years we adopted 2 marvelous children, had 40+ foster children and 8 foreign exchange students.

Another goal was to own an acreage where we could raise children, food and animals.  What a ride we’ve had.  All the kids are grown and gone, most of the animals are gone too.  Pretty much what we have left are pets living out the rest of their lives, or out to pasture as they say.

You’re right about hands Magispook, I look at mine and see the scar across my thumb from when I cut it sharpening a knife to butcher a deer.  Then there’s the broken nails from throwing bales of hay to animals, the dry and wrinkled backs from being our in the freezing weather emptying frozen water buckets.  I should use lotion on them more often but they’re in water and being washed so often I find it’s simply not worth the effort. 

With the children grown, DH and I retired and married almost 40 years I have new goals.  I want to travel.  DH is content to stay home.   I may just have to break down and go by myself which really is an option since I’m not the shyest little girl in the land anymore.
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Magispook

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2006, 10:50:50 PM »

 :)
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Magispook

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2006, 08:02:36 PM »

Good Doggie - My four legged son Opie is getting very old.  I suspect he won’t be with us much longer.  He loves his “people food” treats and knows how to “give you the eye,” that soulful look that melts your resolve and gets him what he wants.  Granted they are only small treats, but they are not the most nutritious for him and I really shouldn’t be so generous given his declining health.  He’s got a number of “tumors” on his body and he’s developed an occasional wheeze so I suspect some terminal illness, probably cancer.  I don’t have the money for an expensive vet treatment regimen especially if the outcome will be simply prolonging his suffering to satisfy my desire to have him with us longer.  He’s been a good doggie in most respects and he has served our country along with me so I don’t have much guilt in making his last days comfortable even though his little doggie vices are probably bad for him.   I draw some parallels with this situation as I prep.  If the hardcore doomers’ dire predictions of total societal breakdown come to pass, life will be short, miserable, and death will be welcome after disease, starvation, and privation.  I don’t agree with those predictions although I do anticipate a gradual decline in quality of life.  I prep as I can but I don’t lose sight of the need for life’s little pleasures right now.   Should things get worse, memories of these days in the future can include “people treats” such as going to the movies, occasional restaurant meals, buying something just because you’d like to have it, a day-trip to see the sights–in short, these present times will be the “good ‘ol days.”   Such memories will bring a wistful smile to the face of the person remembering or telling about them.  Sure I prep for uncertain times.  Any prudent person would.  But I try to make sure I don’t shortchange the present by investing all our assets in an uncertain future.  I’m tasked with the well-being of my family not only for the future but for right now.  I simply can’t prep for everything and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring so I try to do the best I can.  For me at least, funds and time are finite. My recommendation:  Use them wisely.
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Becca Anne

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2006, 08:43:20 PM »

Good point Magispook :) We will need happy memories to keep close to our hearts.

I wanted to be an Astronaut, and a teacher and a bestselling fiction author, and closest to my heart a wife and mother. When the Challenger blew up, my dreams of space travel went with them, I knew I could never put my parents through the anguish of wondering about my safety like that. I was a freshman in H.S. I got married at 19, had my first child my only DD at 21, and 3 other children all boys. I see them as my greatest joy and fulfillment of my dream. I still think about becoming a fiction writer. I have been a teacher to my DD, and It turned out I don't think I'd do well teaching a classroom LOL. I can handle her, but I don't think I have the patience for a whole class of kids who are trying their best not to learn anything. ;)

I think we just have to find the joy in wherever life leads us. Sometimes the greatest things are the ones we didn't plan!
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Magispook

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2006, 01:37:36 AM »

Stand and Fight - I’m a small guy.  I’ve gained weight over the years but not enough to throw it around.  So I learned early on to avoid confrontation because I would lose.  Who wants to deal with the consequences of losing?  Not me.  Have a bad job, move on.  Don’t like where you live, move on. Some jerk get on your nerves?  Move on.  The problem with that strategy is you become a refugee.  Being a refugee is not a good way to live. Way later in life I learned the physical and mental skills to stand and fight.  Big improvement in quality of life but it has its negatives as well.  Some people thrive on conflict.  In their eyes, it gives them self-worth.  It only serves to give me indigestion at the very least.  I’ve seen too much of it during my life and I prefer not to be around it.  Sometimes it can be dodged or mitigated by shifting position a bit.  But sometimes you simply have to stand and fight.  To do so necessarily embraces confrontation though.  And it must be done alone to be done properly.  And the fight must be fought regardless of whether you are so very, very tired.  I know I am tired.  A simple solution crossed my mind about an hour ago.  It has been an option I’ve seriously considered and always rejected often through the years.  I’ve seen enough attempts and successes over the years to know the mechanics better than most–what is successful and what is not.  I’m so tired.  Yet, I have so much responsibility.  So I must continue to stand and fight regardless.  No other option is available.  Some would advise pass the burden to another.  Nope.  Not an option.  As Cheech Marin once said in one of the Cheech and Chong movies:  “responsibility is a heavy responsibility.”    It is said one is not given a burden that one cannot bear.  Perhaps that is why living beings will stand their ground regardless of the odds.   Preservation of self seems to be a common thread in most religions and belief systems. In terms of preparedness, I would thrive and most likely excel during short term emergencies.   I’m told I keep a “cool head’ under fire.  Whoopee, big deal–yeah, right---Long term, I would surely tire of opportunities to excel.  I’m getting old and would rather not have to live so hard toward the end of my days.  I see no glory in the act of standing and fighting.  I see no real alternative to it either.  Where am I going with this?  I have no real idea.  It’s just the way I write.  Maybe it’s this:  I believe our species will survive despite all the calamities doomers and zealots say and probably on some level secretly hope will occur.  Why?  Because there is a certain element of the human race that will stand and fight.  At least some will beat the odds.  Of that I’m sure. Whether that outcome is good or bad is a subject to be pondered by the armchair philosophers.  Not that the outcome really matters in the scheme of things, but it would fuel some discussions over a few beers, eh?  Sorry if this seems so disjointed.  Did I mention I’m so very, very tired?  Anyhow, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.  Hopefully you can take and use something from it.
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weaver

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2006, 06:58:27 AM »

You hit a nerve with me, especially these past few months. I was very ill with flu that turned into bronchial infection that turned into pneumonia that resulted in extreme fatigue which is lingering for several weeks and some keep telling me may last for months to come.

I think it is more than that. I think I am tired of life, the constant struggle, the constant bickering, not me so much but everyone around me. I could care less about "The Game" or "the new car" or who is seeing whom.

I care about learning and doing new things and enjoying the glorious wonders GOD has given us. I like talking to people who have something to say and say it with conviction and authority. I hate having to listen to some idiot babble about nothing worth thinking about. Most people around me, people I have to deal with day to day are so shallow. Sheep!

They have no thought for the future and have no idea that they could be the master of their own destiny if only they would take control. I try to talk to them and all I get back is more babble, more hot air, more wasted time. I guess I am becoming one of them.

Maybe that is it, I am afraid of becoming one of them. Afraid of losing my desire to learn, my zest for discovery, my will to live. Maybe I already have.
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Magispook

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2006, 09:17:20 AM »

Yep, Weaver, I'm at a physical low ebb too.  I miscalculated and ordered some meds too late.  Lots of us guys get an enlarged prostate as we grow older.  I'm one.  That means lots of trips to the bathroom at night unless you're taking some meds.  Missing them for the past week or so means about five trips per night compared to two.  Couple that with the recent full moon when I sleep fitfully at best and I haven't had any real sleep for a couple weeks or more.  Kinda wears you down.  I do, however, recall getting a full night's sleep about a decade ago.  Still remember the refreshed feeling when I woke up.  Gee that was nice.  I feel the beginnings of that mysterious cough that put me in the hospital last year too.  Fortunately none of the other symptoms have appeared yet.  Not getting your fair share of oxygen does wear you down though.  But what really wears me down psychologically is all the bickering.  It's at the family level, neighborhood level, local, national, and international level.  World leaders acting like kindergartners.  Wish I could just put 'em in time out for awhile.  I've been through these feelings before and always survive them although I suspect a little piece of that which is me is chipped away each time never to be regenerated.  You, like me, have responsibilities that cannot be shirked so you, like me, also stand and fight regardless of your own desire for a respite.  But, in terms of the glass half full mindset, I do acknowledge others have it worse.  That is some comfort I guess.
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weaver

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2006, 07:20:33 PM »

I don't take comfort in knowing others are worse off. You can always find someone in worse condition than yourself if you open one eye a tiny bit. ;)

I do take some comfort in being able to help others. However, here lately I haven't been able to do much of that. Maybe that's what is missing? I hate to think my self worth is determined by how much I do for others.

I got past the "I'm better than anyone else because I can do X" phase a long time ago. And I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anybody.

I put my dreams on hold to raise our kids and that is in mid/late phase. I gave up on being a great artist when I realized that depends more on politics than talent or skill. I am a semi-beginning prepper. My income is middle class but it has only been that for the last few years and was low poverty level before so I still have a lot of catching up to do. I'm not highly educated but I know a lot of useless stuff and a few worthwhile tidbits. All in all I have a pretty good life.

I walked about a mile or a little more today. It's hard to say because it was through the woods, up and down hills and wondering along the many deer trails through my property. It felt good to get outside and get some exercise. I enjoy seeing the deer run and all the other animals around here. I stopped for a short rest and a squirrel climbed down the tree right next to me, maybe ten feet away. I don't think he/she was afraid, maybe curious. We looked at each other for a full minute before we each turned and went our separate ways.
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Magispook

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2006, 07:42:37 PM »

Bad wording on my part.  Should read more to the effect that at least I'm not the only one instead of taking comfort in other folks' misery.  Did I mention I'm tired?  Regarding past personal history and present situation, sounds like we have a similar track.  I love to walk in the woods--just seems not much opportunity nowadays.  Spotted a deer on my walk yesterday though.
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Amma

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Re: Ponderings 10
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2006, 09:41:58 AM »

I sympathize with you, Magi spook and Weaver, on the weaknesses that show up in our bodies as we age.  It is at the minimum, very frustrating and at its worst...debilitatin g.  It makes even climbing out of bed a monumental task.

I think that we can realize our dreams, if not to the extent we had dreamed of, then at least in a small part.  I had always wanted to be a vet because I love animals and their unconditional love and loyalty.  Along the road to that dream however, life happened and it had to be modified.  I became a nurse instead and I think I have probably made a difference to some people. A listening ear to a lonely person, alleviating someone's pain a bit or helping them welcome a new family member into the world or saying goodbye as they left it.  If I have been able to do any of this, then I have to count it as success.  I think my dream of being a vet will be realized through my DD.  She also loves animals and has the fortitude I didn't to follow through with the demanding schedule it requires.  I live somewhat vicariously through her in that area, but maybe that is how it should be.  Our children (the next generation) makes it a little further along than we do.

  I know that many artists haven't taken up serious painting, drawing, sculpting, etc. until they were older, so don't give up that dream, Weaver.  If God has gifted you in this area, then bless others around you with it.  Being a great artist doesn't necessarily mean raking in large amounts of money, although our society has conditioned us to think that way.  It would be nice to have that outward affirmation of "success", but it doesn't mean that your talent is any the less if you don't... :)

I think our job in this world is to do the best with what we are given and to not beat ourselves up too much over what we haven't accomplished yet. :love
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